In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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