I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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