dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
