wakey wakey hands off snakey
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm bleeding and have questions
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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