champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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