i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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