i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
