WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
