I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
