just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
