What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
