This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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