Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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