If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize