haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
