I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
PANTIES FOUND
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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