Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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