He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
