Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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