if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
