he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
