kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
