the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
