Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
