oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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