My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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