im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
