He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
