For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
