Got a toothbrush?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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