so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
