The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
