very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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