dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
