somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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