Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
