She is in my trunk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
