I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
