I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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