ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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