That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
