Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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