He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
