he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
