he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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