I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
