I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
