They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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