Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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