I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
