Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize