Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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