At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
are you so shy because you have an std?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
did i walk over a car last night?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize