Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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