I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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