I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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