CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize