who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
