We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
