Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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