____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
