I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
