Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
