My sheets look like a crime scene.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
