I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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