I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize