i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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