i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
