This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
