The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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