I want to have your abortion
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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