I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize