i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
