I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
