i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
