I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
