I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
