New invention idea: vibrating tampons
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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