also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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