I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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