my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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