I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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