I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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