"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
