i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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