i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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