Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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