Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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