Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
