Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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