My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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