hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
be right there i have to get my cape
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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