Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
