people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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