well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize