Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
