how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
