Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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