Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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