would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize