Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
