What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
