State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
