he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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