I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
