You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize