Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
