There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is my gift to your gina
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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