Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
