guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
do nipples grow back?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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