i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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